This is such fucking bullshit. The Illinois senators are claiming that I breached the public trust. Seriously, how hypocritical. All of us (me, R.I., O-Dubs, B-Rock, JJ Two) all know that the public thinks that we (with the exclusion of one person who I’ll refer to as HARPO) are all completely dirty fucks. I mean, the charges that I “conspired” to commit “fraud” and/or “solicit bribes” are so out of control. Even if I did conspire to do those things, the Feds blew their loads too quick to catch me. Cowboys those Feds, total fucking cowboys who are now out to try and lynch me with the noose of public opinion. Where’s the noose of justice? (I have no fucking idea what that means – but I know the 12 million fuckers of Illinois who voted for me probably know.)
Anyway, at Patti’s and her father’s request (a/k/a extortion) I’ve reached a compromise and am going to make a settlement offer to the state of Illinois tomorrow. Although the legal mumbo jumbo will need to be worked out between my lawyers and their lawyers, here is the gist of it:
I will agree to serve out my term for the people of Illinois and will not seek re-election provided that, after my term, I get a cushy government job making at least $150,000, a minimum work requirement of 15 hours a week, and a security detail to keep the G-Men from watching my every move.
During the remainder of my term, as a “punishment” if you will, I agree, in the spirit of Nathaniel Hawthorne, to wear a “Scarlet B” either around my neck or on the front of any shirt or jacket I’m wearing. Honestly, I don’t mind it. While some might think the B stands for Bad Boy, or Banished, and will be a source of humiliation for me and my family, I see it a totally different way. And, for this reason, as a condition of wearing the B, I am allowed to pay my PR Firm to design (on a work-for-hire basis only) a special costume and line of clothing that I wear, which I will have the exclusive rights to exploit. Of course, the PR Firm seems to be getting a little antsy that my money is gonna be spent on my defense in my criminal case. If they back out, then I reserve the right to hold a contest and have the people (yeah one of the 12 million fucking people of Illinois who voted for me as their two term governor) to design a special B costume for me to wear. Actually, now that I think about it, fuck the PR Firm. As of right now, I’m holding a contest. If any of you want to design my special “B” costume, please submit it to me on-line. The chosen winner will receive $100.
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