Wow. I just finished watching the tape of my appearances on The View and Good Morning America. I gotta say, I fucking rock. I mean really, I’m a total stud. I gotta admit, it was so smart to get that PR firm to represent me instead of defending myself at the impeachment hearing. The only thing that I’m disappointed about is that Elizabeth couldn’t be there on The View. I would have loved to have gone back and forth with that little conservative bitch.
Anyhoo, I’m guessing that by now you’ve heard what I “allegedly” said on tape, in my own private, sanctified home, during calls which I had no idea were being listened to by the fucking Feds. According to those “taped conversations”, I was quoted as saying the following:
I’ve got this thing and it’s fucking golden. I’m just not giving it up for fucking nothing…
Oh shit. Patti’s yelling at me from the other room. Something about how dare I drag her father through the ringer claiming that he’s pissed at me because I accused him of being a “dirty fuck” (her words – not mine), on national television. I said nothing of the sort. Here is the truth. In 2005, Patti’s daddy (“fuck-face” as I refer to him in the sanctity of my home in my private conversations) was an Alderman. He owned a land fill which the Illinois EPA thought was being run illegally. I shut the thing down. When I threatened to sue him, he backed the fuck off, pussy that he is. He had to clean up the dump. And, fact is, I was right, and fuck face (I mean “Dad”) was wrong. Honestly, I was just stating the facts of what happened in 2005. Sorry Patti.
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